SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE: 988 Call if you need help!
Please before you make that choice, read this!
You ARE NOT ALONE;
There isn’t much I can say that will soften this. Twice in my life I lost someone dear to me. Not dear as in “I love you and care for you.” Dear as in “my life is not complete without you in it because I love you and care about you so much it brings me great joy so see you! There’s a gaping hole in my life that you have filled and I’m better for it.”
YOU ARE THAT TO SOMEONE!
YOU MATTER!
My Aunt Barbara, who we lovingly called Bobi, was my first loss. Nate, a young man who entered my life as the childhood friend to my daughter and son only to become like another son to me was the second. Each of them played such an important role in my life, one guiding me and helping shape me into the man I would become as a mentor and supporter. The other doing the same from below, helping me to find patience and giving me the benefit and joy of uncondontional acceptance and allowing me to pass on lessons beyond those that have blood ties.
Each of these kind, generous, and deeply hurt people brought incredible value to my life and allowed me to do the same for them. Their losses nearly broke me.
More importantly, I wasn’t the only one that loved them. They both had this way of winding into your life, into your heart, building strong presence in the lives they touched.
And leaving a gaping hole in their absence.
Aunt Bobi had two older sisters, two nephews, a father who was still alive, and so many others who lover her. She lit up a room when she entered. Everyone was immediately laughing and smiling upon seeing her. She was a force.
Nate had a mom, a dad, siblings, freinds, so many people that considered him part of their families. He was funny, irreverent, hard working, helpful, and game for any adventure. He was both tough and kind, strong and fragile, and deeply and profoundly seeking approval.
Each of them had big personalities that brought joy to those fortunate enough to know them.
Aunt Bobi took her own life on Jan 1, 2005. It was, at that time, the worst day of my life. She was my best friend. We had crazy adventures together. She was 50 years old. Two years younger than I am now. She had no kids and acted as if my brother and I were hers, often telling everyone “You know their mine, right?”.
Nate took his own life on April 7, 2019. It is now, currently, the absolute worst day of my life. We were so close. We spoke nearly daily. Some of my best memories involve this young man. He was only 25 years old. We got into more trouble together than I did with anyone I know. He is irreplaceable for every person that was fortunate enough to have him in their lives. And there were many of us.
I don’t want there to be another day like these two days. I don’t think my heart can take it.
I don’t know many people who find themselves a suicide loss survivor twice. One was too many. Two nearly broke me beyond repair. I cannot handle a third.
For this reason, I want to dedicate this page to SUICIDE AWARENESS. I want you, if you are suffering, to reach out to someone. Those that love you will give anything for one chance to let you know you are not alone. You are of value. People want you here. People love you. There are people who will help shoulder your burdens, joyfully holding you up, willing for you to live. Your loss will have a ripple effect on their life that there is no fixing.
We worry about saying the wrong thing. We worry if saying something will make it more real. We fear that talking about it may make you more prone to do it.
Not talking about it is worse. This feeling is worse. I miss Aunt Bobi every day. I miss Nate every day. As I write this page, 19 years after Aunt Bobi and 5 years after Nate, I am crying. I can’t stop these tears…not after years…not after decades. It hurts. Maybe that’s selfish. But it hurts.
So please, dear friends, if you are hurting, struggling, and find yourself in despair, please reach out to your friends and family. Tell them. It helps. And if you don’t feel you can, PLEASE USE THE RESOURCES HERE TO TALK TO SOMEONE! YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
If you are having suicidal thoughts click 988 to talk to someone now.
DIAL 988 on your cell phone. Text 988 if you can’t talk.
If you find yourself, like me, a loss survivor, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Helpful Links for Loss Survivors:
Thank you for taking the time. All my sincerest love, Sean.